What is IFS therapy?
The heart of Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy is creating and deepening trusting relationships between the you-est You, also known as your Self, and your inner system of interrelated “parts.”
Parts are distinct aspects of each of us who show up in a variety of ways–for instance, emotions, behaviors, images, thoughts, and bodily sensations.
Instead of minimizing an emotion as “just a feeling” or labeling an action we take as a sign of weakness, IFS trusts our parts are playing invaluable roles in our lives.
IFS therapists help you find ways to tune into your parts and listen to their stories from a place of care, calm, and confidence.
As our parts feel heard and seen by us, their roles can transform and their long-held burdens can be released.
Meeting our parts with patience and curiosity makes space for new possibilities to emerge and more choices to become available when we need them.
Why Internal Family Systems therapy is useful for queer people:
Internal and External Attentiveness
Our parts are aware of the external world and all of the perils it poses to us. LGBTQIA+ affirming IFS therapy can help us develop the skills to practice discernment.
By getting to know our parts, we can more accurately assess for and meet our needs in the moment.
IFS therapy offers us opportunities to slow down enough to listen inside to parts with important information to share. When is protective action necessary and how might we go about taking it?
What happens when we’re present for parts of us feeling afraid and alone?
Getting to the Root of Shame
IFS therapy is especially supportive in releasing the feelings of shame that so many of us are holding.
Instead of pushing away parts who shame, we listen to their fears and concerns. We connect with their positive intentions and offer them more options.
Our parts are often unaware of their impact because they are so focused on protecting vulnerable parts from being shamed again.
IFS guides us into heartfelt relationships with parts who shame as a protective strategy by making space for hearing their stories. We get to the root of shame with trust, patience, and appreciation.
Releasing Guilt
IFS therapy has the potential to rewrite the wounding stories we’ve been burdened with as queer people.
As children and young people, there is often no choice left to us but to believe that what happened was our fault.
Listening to parts of us feeling guilty can lead us back into connection with our wisest version of ourselves and the people we care most about.
As we connect with parts holding feelings of guilt, we can support them in enacting the empowering outcomes they need and deserve.
Long term benefits of Internal Family Systems therapy
Practice new communication skills
Learn to speak for your parts rather than from your parts.
Speaking for our parts instead of from them can offer relief from feelings of shame and guilt as well as open you up to compassionate responses to others.
Notice your patterns with more ease
Learn to attune to your parts when they show up.
Track your thoughts, feelings, sensations, and actions with more calm and connection to your parts.
Collaborating with our parts creates opportunities to make different choices.
Increase your ability to hold complexity
Recognizing the positive intentions of all of our parts, even parts who are appear to be in stark opposition, makes it possible for us to consider different perspectives at the same time.
With this recognition, we can begin to let go of “right/wrong” and “good/bad” binaries within and outside ourselves that cause so much pain, guilt, and shame.
Trust in your inner wisdom
Learn to notice the difference between being parts-led and Self-led.
Being more aware of when our parts are in the lead gives us an opportunity to care for them in the ways they need.
With more attention they often feel less urgent or reactive, which means we have more clarity and confidence to handle life in alignment with our values.
You and I may be a therapeutic match if you:
Are interested in cultivating a leadership role in your healing practice.
Feel curious about getting to know your internal system of parts in new and experiential ways.
Are intentional about meeting weekly. Consistency lends to developing trusting relationships.
Want to practice replacing shame-based relationships with care-centered ones.
Thank you to Dr. Sand Chang, PhD. for inspiring this section!
